This is my story and I’ll try to be brief.
I’m a 30’s something… much closer on the back end of 30 than the front end…mother of 2. My son is 3 years old and my daughter is 10 months. I decided to have kids late in life because I was at one time…in what now seems like the distant past…a career woman. I quit work…leaving behind a six-figure salary…to stay at home…wipe poop off the walls…and keep the dog from eating the kid’s vomit.
WTF was I thinking?!!!! I mean who the hell does that shit? And by “that shit” I mean…makes critical decisions about your future based on emotion, idealism and what society thinks is “best”. And by “who the hell”, I mean ME. So now, almost four years later, I’m exhausted, depressed, and wondering if I made a big mistake. Actually, in my head, I’m pretty much screaming that I MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
I hit rock bottom, or at least I thought. I totally did not want to be a SAHM anymore. So I put out feelers in my industry (IT) to pick up my career where I left off…and the response I got back was like putting a conch shell to your ear…the reply was a windy cavernous black hole of silence. Then, I actually hit rock bottom.
When the realization hit me…that there might not actually be a “career” left for me to return to…I started feeling trapped. Trapped like a Stepford Wife from the 50’s who fears being left alone, penniless, with no work skills in a nursing home after her family has used her up and doesn’t need her any more. Overly dramatic? Maybe…
So long story, short…it wasn’t always this way. At one point I was so happy being a SAHM and realized how lucky and fortunate I really was. But at some point, things went horribly wrong…hence my blog title…just shy of perfection. It is the story of my life…Jill of all trades, master of none…almost perfect…but then somehow it all goes to hell in a hand basket.
So…I’m here blogging to get my happy back! And with a little help from cyberspace…I might achieve it…and once again be happy with who I am and what I can do…and NOT be worried about the image of perfection that I will never quite achieve.