Quote of the week from Brie:
Brie: Mommy did not go to work today because she bumped her head. She hit her head on a squirrel.
Nanny: What? I don’t think that is real Brie. What really happened?
Brie: I’m having a real conversation. But the words are pretend.
This conversation with my 3-year old daughter was too good not to post. Her one-liners are killer!
Me: Brie, do you need to go potty?
Marc: Yeah, Brie, do you need to go potty?
Brie: (3 year old daughter) I don’t need to, I already did.
Mason: (5 year old son) She did not!
Marc: Brie, are you sure? You already went? When?
Brie: Yeah, I already went.
Me: When did you go? Mason says you didn’t go.
Brie: I went when I was born.
Marc and I had been talking to the kids (daughter 2.5 and son 5 years) all weekend about sharing and getting along with each other. They constantly fight with each other over whatever the other child has. On Sunday night we went out for a family dinner at a restaurant. It was about 7:30 PM and pitch black outside as we left the restaurant and got into the car. Upon getting into the car, the kids immediately started fighting over my daughter’s sunglasses. I commenced with a “Mommy Speech” and this is what transpired:
Me: Why are you guys fighting over sunglasses? First of all, it is too dark outside for sunglasses. Second, the sunglasses are nothing more than clothing that belongs to Brie, not even something fun like a toy. Do you ever see Daddy and I fight over each others things? (My husband turns on the overhead light to make sure the kids are listening to me.) Do you see me take things from Daddy? (My husband was wearing a baseball cap so I reached out and started shaking the bill of it for emphasis.) Do you see me tell Daddy, ” Hey, I want your hat! Give me your hat! I want to wear that hat!” No, Daddy and I never fight over our things. I don’t want Daddy’s hat.
Silence and a short pause…
Brie: I want it! I want Daddy’s hat! I want to play with it!
Something is not working here…
This is me having “The Talk” with my 22 month old girl and 4 year old boy. (Well, sort of.)
Mason: Mommy, Nana made Papa.
Mason: Nana made Papa.
Me: No honey, Nana did not “make” Papa. They are married. Papa is not Nana’s child.
Mason: Oh. Who did Nana make?
Me: Remember, Nana has four kids. Daddy, xxxx, xxxx and xxxx.
Mason: Oh. Brie-Brie will make a baby some day.
Me: Yes, Brie will probably have children some day. And you will too.
Mason: But Mommy, you told me that only girls can make people.
Me: Well, that is true, only girls can make babies. But some day if you meet someone you love and you get married, then the kids she makes will be your kids too. (How do you tactfully explain this to a 4 year old?)
Mason: No Mommy, I don’t want to make people.
Me: You don’t want to have kids?
Me: OK, well you don’t have to. You don’t want to get married?
Mason: Yes, I want to get married, but I don’t want to make people. I only want to make myself.
Me: You just want to be yourself?
Mason: No, I want to only MAKE myself. I want to make another MASON!
Me: Oh Lord.
Mason: (Laughs) I only like myself, not other people.
Me: Well, that sounds good to me. You making another Mason would be the best revenge.
Mason: Mommy, what is “revidge”?
Me: It’s what happens when you make another Mason and have to be responsible for him. (laughing)
Mason: Oh! (laughs) Yeah that will be hard.
I’m providing direct proof of how much trouble I’m about to be in as my daughter gets older. Right now she is 22 months old. I took her with me to go shopping and pulled into a parking spot in front of DSW, a shoe store.
Brie: No mommy.
Me: No? No what?
Brie: No mommy, other one.
Me: Other one what? Another store?
Brie: Yes mommy, other one.
Me: What store do you want to go to?
Brie: Cute…shirt. Pink. Brie-Brie
Me: (smirking) You want to go to a different store to get a cute pink shirt?
Brie: Yes mommy. Shirt, Brie-Brie, Pink!
Me: And it has to be pink?
Brie: Yes mommy. (starts patting her chest with both hands to emphasize her need for a cute pink shirt.) Pink shirt, Brie-Brie. No shoes. No mommy shoes.